This morning in church I was a lay reader for the first time in my life. You usually have to go through training or some such before they let you stand at the head of the church at the heavily-carved lectern with a microphone in front of you and read the word of God—we say that after the reading, intone it, actually: “The Word of God.” But this church is small, and obviously in a lurch, as they asked me to read as I was walking into the sanctuary.
So what did I read about on this my first most momentous occasion?
Yep, I’m reading, looking at the words for the first time since the church lady handed me the sheet, and I hear myself channeling Adam and saying, “I heard the sound of you in the garden, and I was afraid because I was NEKKID.”
Then God, bless His heart, repeated it: “Who told you that you were NEKKID?”
Which irrefutably proves what we have all suspected: God is a Southerner.
To which the people reply, Thanks be to God.
Happy Sunday, y’all.