Infestation

I am about to cry uncle. We have had a black fly infestation on our back porch. Rotted wood on our steps. Something wafty growing in our hot tub. Something dead under the porch (see above reference to flies). Trim pulling away from the house. Fire ants mounding in the rain-soaked yard. Water dripping from our HVAC register. Termites swarming and GETTING IN THE HOUSE! I’m talking sitting on the sofa slapping termites on my arms and ankles.

All in the last two weeks.

I’m not even gonna talk about the weevil rampage this winter.

I’m beginning to believe in plagues.

OTOH, I survived jury duty fairly unscathed. Yes, it’s my third summoning in under six years. But I’ll do my duty. Then a jury summons arrived to the no-longer-existent former duplex side of our house. That’s the second time it’s happened.

Now I’m beginning to believe in jury summons curses.

So I’m opening a poll. What should I do to drive infestation from my life? Or is “drive” too rough a word? Should I cajole them away? Sweet talk them into leaving? Shame or exorcise them?

I’m open to all suggestions.