Take That, Facebook
It’s not often you have a major impact in the world. So it is with great pride that I announce Facebook is set to lose $10 billion this year.
Sure, I appreciate the help of the other 499,999 users who left the platform in the last quarter of 2021. I could not have done it without them. Particularly, I want to thank the young people. The world is never changed without the flocking of young people to Tic-Tok (Tick-Tock. Tic-Tock. TicTok). We can always count on young people to declare such dinosaurs as Facebook passee (do people say passee anymore? do they say young people?).
I take solace in knowing that Facebook’s scummy economic model lured in institutions far more savvy than I, such as The Washington Post. Hi! We’re Free! Create an Author Page! But we won’t show anyone your Author Page unless you buy ads with us. Ads aren’t free! We all slid into that mud pit. I have climbed out, but….
My Involved Body Parts
The news of Facebook’s decline could not come at a better time. It does my heart good, and I need a good heart. My nose is no longer on my face, having cut it off to get to get back at a global giant that could care less whether I was reading their ads or buying their ads. Ha, Facebook! Kiss that $10 billion goodbye like a French chef.
Where Lies the Future?
Of course, I continue to prop up Instagram, also owned by the big F, but perhaps not for long.
For some reason, the app has decided what I want to watch more than anything in the world are stupid baby videos. Babies dancing. Babies thrusting their hips in suggestive ways. Babies licking dogs. What in the world is there in my content that encourages this? Which is another way of asking: where are the stupid Godzilla videos?