When You Make the Plunge…

So, they put the adult diapers by the audiology center. And the Trojans by the blood pressure medicine (as in, “You think you’re still healthy enough for sex? Check now!”). And the rotisserie chicken is a real assembly line. Literally. You stand in a line waiting for the hot chickens to be unloaded onto the metal shelves. Chicken. Move forward. Chicken. Move forward. My husband says the chickens are legendary. They are certainly desired.

Yes, it’s true. We have joined mainstream America and become members of Costco.

Looks like a big Sam’s Club to me, but I’m old. Not old enough for adult diapers, but old enough to remember when Sam’s Club was a big deal. What happened to them? I think Costco stomped them into the ground. Jim Cramer loves Costco. I like Jim Cramer, so I was interested. I wasn’t expecting the speed.

People are in a big hurry at Costco, which doesn’t seem to jibe with the adult diapers at the audiology center, but maybe that’s just prejudice on my part. But here come the shopping carts, whizzing past, everyone looking so serious. These folks are not shopping for fun. They’re shopping for big ass bags of flour. I’m talking concrete slabs of flour. Same for boxes of cereal and bags of walnuts and almost everything else on the shelves. I mean, these products are so big they wouldn’t fit in my house.

My husbands says people put them in their garages.

We don’t have a garage.

So we didn’t get a case of the Kendal Jackson, but I did buy two bottles because it was cheap. And the flowers are a good price—these are my shopping responsibilities, self-assigned: wine, flowers, and chocolate. They did not have—or I couldn’t find—hooks for Christmas ornaments, small organizing baskets, or traditional thermometers. No, I’m not talking about the kind with the mercury and bulb, just the digital one you put under your tongue. What they had were the touch-free thermometers, which I bought, because I may be old but I’m flexible to trying new things.

But I did enjoy the experience. The woman who signed us up as members was kind. The checkout woman who understood we didn’t know what the hell we were doing (credit card? membership card?) was kind. The audiology center woman was kind. Oh, yeah. We made this plunge into the Costco world because we’re getting our hearing checked. We did not join for the adult diapers. At least not yet. Give me time, I’ll get there…

Me and Godzilla, because I’m kinda on a Godzilla roll

Costco, Costco shopper, Godzilla

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