Put Him Back in His Place
Why am I so mad about the presidential race? Because I’ve lived through this shit. I’ve been stalked while riding my bike, cutting and swerving through the neighborhood, trying to get away from the pickup truck, pedaling as fast as I could, realizing I couldn’t outrun him, couldn’t keep up my flight much longer. I’ve had a man press his hard penis against me in a crowd, leering at me in glee when I whipped around to find out what the hell was going on. I’ve been violently grabbed by my supervisor and forcibly kissed when I thought I was building a professional relationship.
That’s not why I’m mad.
I didn’t “report” these things because who knew there was a “thing” to report? Who knew pressing up against an unsuspecting woman was something men did to get their jollies? Who knew to call the police when I was stalked, fearing for my life, but steeped enough in the culture to know they’d ask, “But did anything happen?” Who knew I’d experienced what would later be called “sexual harassment” for “unwanted advances” in the workplace? Who knew that almost every woman in the world has endured this type of behavior in her everyday, day-to-day, day-after-every-damn-day, life? (If you can stomach it, read this Twitter feed on first assaults, but be prepared—it paints an awful picture of the world we live in.)
That’s not why I’m mad.
Okay, that’s a little of why I’m mad.
But the boiling anger comes because I thought we were past that shit. I thought the time when this type of behavior was shrugged off was over, kaput, done with. I thought we as a culture no longer responded to sexual assault by waving it off. Dismissing it. Calling it “locker room banter.” Gone were the days, I thought, when we accepted violating women’s bodies as normal male behavior because—shrug—”boys will be boys.” Yet, here we are in a national presidential election debating whether bragging about grabbing a woman by her most private part is a big deal. Listen to Trump’s supporters, trying to minimize it by calling it “potty mouth.” That’s a term you use for four-year-olds talking about doo-doo, not a grown man bragging about sexually assaulting women.
PSA break for a grammar lesson: “Grab” is a verb. A verb is used to indicate action. That is not talk, not words. It’s action.
“When you’re a star, they let you do it. Grab them by the p**sy.”
“I’m allowed to go in, because I’m the owner of the pageant and therefore I’m inspecting it…. ‘Is everyone OK?’ You know, they’re standing there with no clothes. ‘Is everybody OK?’ And you see these incredible looking women, and so I sort of get away with things like that.”
Just like the faceless man in the pickup truck who stalked a vulnerable rider on a bike: he did it because he could get away with it. And the leering man in the crowd who thought it was the funniest thing to assault me with his penis: he did it because he could get away with it. Oh, and I forgot the time the ex-governor of Mississippi catcalled me as I walked to court, just trying to do my job, carrying a damn briefcase. Or even the consultant who walked around my desk into my personal space and plopped into my desk chair, spreading his legs wide.
So forgive me if I identify with Hillary, standing on the stage, trying to carry on a professional debate. Only to be confronted with a man who loomed over her, invaded her space, blocked her path to the audience, stalked her across the stage, and glared down at her with rage as he threatened to put her in jail. That’s a man using his body to assert his dominance over a woman, a man who needs to be told to get back in his space.
Which is to say, thank God for the women who are standing up in droves and saying, “This happened to me.” And the men saying, “I don’t act like that.” Thank God for Anderson Cooper asking, “You have bragged that you sexually assaulted women—do you understand that?” Thank God for the pro athletes saying, “Not in my locker room, we don’t talk like that.” And thank you, Jesus, for all the women saying, “We know you, Donald Trump, and we’re putting you back in your place on November 8.”
Won’t you please do it, too? On election day, won’t you tell Trump to back off? With your vote, tell him he’s not gonna get away with it, not this time. Vote to put him back in his place.
trump admits to sexual assault, trump stalking hillary in debate
Susanne
It is beyond belief that this happening in 2016 and I am anxiously hoping that the majority of American women feel as outraged as you and get rid of this pig.
Ellen Morris Prewitt
I know. I keep thinking, really? We’re still treating him as normal? He is not normal. He is a pervert who openly despises women. I, too, hope we all dump his ass.
lisieuxcommunity
Thank you Ellen. This a very powerful post!
Ellen Morris Prewitt
You’re welcome! It’s one of those that’s hard to hit “post.” But it was that or boil over with anger. 🙂
Joe Hawes
I believe the anger you express is widespread, and I hope that women everywhere will turn out to vote and use their anger to keep pushing for decency in our public spaces. I am angry too and ashamed that so many men treat women so shabbily. I will continue to hope that we as a country can and will do better.
And Ellen, I hate that those things happened to you, Other friends of mine have posted similar stories. You have done a service by telling your own story, so I hope it helps make change.
It is certainly needed.
Ellen Morris Prewitt
I’ve been feeling it, too, Joe. That people are refusing to go back to those days. And also willing to share exactly what has happened to them. The Twitter feed was eye-opening. Over and over and over again. Very sad.
Joe Hawes
The Twitter feed nearly undid me, a combination of sadness and white hot anger—still with me
Ellen Morris Prewitt
Yes, really tough.
Julian Prewitt
Bravo!
Ellen Morris Prewitt
Thank you!
Ian
It is indeed a travesty that our society is still not “past this shit”. I too had assumed, until recently, that we were. However, if we are not, then at least Trump may have pushed this whole sad acceptance of “locker room talk/ behavior” back into the light of day for all to see, consider, and, optimistically speaking, resolve once and for all.
After my high school reunion this week, I gained better perspective on the issues my female school mates faced in classes like math and science and shop. Besides the crude jocularity towards them overall, these were in any case classes that were considered “best left for boys”z, as school counselors told my future wife after she expressed an interest in architecture…
It seems us men need to be reminded of this stupid, archaic behavior over and over until we figure it out.
Ellen Morris Prewitt
I’ve thought of that too, Ian. That there may be a silver lining in this coming up now, when people are more willing to (and capable of) sharing their outrage. I can’t tell you the comments I got practicing law in Mississippi in the ’80s and ’90s—it became just part of what I was doing. I hope your wife found her way into an area she loved.
Joanne Corey
Thank you for speaking your truth and for calling on everyone to ditch all the old, lame excuses and hold him responsible for his egregious behavior and attitudes. I hope we never have to see him again after Nov. 8.
Ellen Morris Prewitt
Oh, wouldn’t that be nice? I’d love not to have to think of him ever again. Thank you for that thought!!!
Joanne Corey
We can only hope…
derrickjknight
Excellent
Ellen Morris Prewitt
Thank you, and thanks for stopping by again
Joe Hawes
Let us continue to hope for and work for change in this area. I do believe that most of us don’t condone such talk, let alone the behavior it references. I hope we can find the energy to vote for candidates we can support and do our part (working to get out the vote and sending money) to to transform the political landscape. And a pox on those who brought us to this place!
Ellen Morris Prewitt
Agreed!
Donna Gwinnell Lambo-Weidner
BRAVO, Ellen!
Ellen Morris Prewitt
Thank you! And cheers to you as well!